Helpful Tips If You Or Your Loved One Is Reluctant To Go For Grief Counseling

We've all had days when we didn't want to get up from bed and do anything but snuggle all day and maybe binge on Netflix and ice cream. It happens. However, when it is becoming an everyday thing, it might signify that it is time to get help. 

In the process of grieving,  we will be subjected to different thoughts and emotions. Many of them might be foreign and negative; this is normal.

While negative thoughts and other unpleasant emotions like doubt or fear are pointers to a normal grieving process, it is time to seek professional counseling when the thoughts start shifting to self-harm or thoughts about harming others.

When our thoughts or that of a loved one start going this way, we must start seeking help so that we or our loved ones don't end up injured.

It's normal to feel scared and alone during a grieving process. Even though family and friends surround us, we can still get lost in our world of grief and feel alone. When this feeling of loneliness morphs into something deeper and comes with fear and doubts, you should probably consider visiting a grief therapist. 

Also, talking to a therapist will allow us to do some deep introspection about ourselves; we might discover qualities or emotions we weren't aware of. It will also give us a fresh and different perspective on all the emotions we feel. 

We might feel alone or apart from our family members because they might not understand us or our emotions. Seeking help outside them might open us to new perspectives and make us see things from another angle.

The more you start relying on these habits, the harder it becomes to break free from them. Additionally, these habits will act as an hindrance to your healing process. At first, they might look like they are providing some form of respite, but in the real sense, what they are doing is keeping the trauma buried, which will give it more time to fester.

There are some activities that we engage in with our loved ones; after their death, we might not derive as much joy as we used to from these activities. This is normal, and with time, you might pick up other hobbies and activities to replace them.

Sometimes, when we are under intense emotional and psychological stress, it can be confusing to find a way out. We want to get better, but we don't know where to start or how to go about it.

Emotional and psychological stress directly and indirectly impact our physical health. Here's how it works. The central nervous system in the human body is affected by psychological issues; this means that our immune system, cardiovascular system, and endocrine system are inadvertently affected by our mental health.

During the grieving process, our emotions become intense and might make us feel so overwhelmed and swaddled that we end up doubting and disbelieving that anyone or anything could help us feel better. 

We feel that the emotions are too strong, and nothing can ease them. This can lead us to doubt the effectiveness of grief counseling.

To further convince ourselves that we do not need or want grief counseling, we might make different excuses. One of the excuses we might give is that we don't have enough time to fit therapy into our schedules. We convince ourselves that we are too busy to engage in another commitment.

But the truth is, we know that we can always create time for activities that we prioritize. Once you prioritize and realize the importance of grief counseling, especially to your healing process, you will be able to create the time needed to keep up with the sessions.

Furthermore, you can now use more convenient methods to attend the sessions if you don't want to travel to a specific destination for the sessions. You could hold it via video calls, phone calls, and so on. 

One of the beautiful things about human beings is that we always know the truth about ourselves. We may feign ignorance about some things, but when push comes to shove, and we mean business, we can always tell the absolute truth to ourselves.

During a difficult grieving process, we might keep telling ourselves that we are strong enough to handle these feelings.   While it is good to say positive and encouraging things to yourself when grieving, it is also very important to know when to let go and ask for help.

We often make the mistake of equating strength with independence. This is usually not the case because it takes strength to be vulnerable and ask for help. When we start feeling so overwhelmed with our emotions, and they start going out of hand, we must be strong for ourselves and our loved ones by taking a step in seeking the services of a professional therapist to help us scale through.

This is one of the strongest reasons someone might choose not to go for grief counseling even though they might need it. In their opinion, because it didn't work the first or previous times means it isn't going to work this time either. However, there are different reasons why your previous attempt at counseling might not have worked.

For example, suppose you think that the previous counseling didn't work because you felt like the therapist didn't understand you or your situation. If you are giving therapy a second chance, you might want to go for a therapist that is specifically trained in the area you need help with.

This isn't to say you should focus on a dead end; it is to say you shouldn't give up on something that can immensely benefit you and your loved ones in the long run because of some failures at the beginning. Try to make sure you give your best before giving up on it. 

Also, the fact that something didn't work the first time doesn't mean it won't work the next time you try it. Even Edison, one of the greatest inventors in the world, had to try 1000 times before he got the light bulb to work.

The thought of sitting in front of a stranger and pouring your heart out might seem embarrassing to you. But the truth is, there is absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about. Choosing to seek grief counseling shows your willingness to start your healing journey, and frankly, making that choice requires courage. Why should displaying courage make you feel embarrassed?

So, instead of feeling embarrassed about seeing a counselor, you should feel proud of yourself for making a not-so-easy decision to start your healing journey, which will eventually benefit you and your loved ones.

Another reason we might feel reluctant to seek counseling is because of the wrong misconception and stigma around it. It is often thought that only people diagnosed with mental conditions should see a therapist. This notion is wrong.

Seeing a counselor or choosing to go for therapy doesn't necessarily mean that you have a mental illness; it simply means you're willing to take the necessary steps to help bring about your healing process. Additionally, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a mental disease. Do not let anyone invalidate your struggles by making you feel weak or "crazy" for choosing to see a counselor.

As human beings, we naturally crave the support and validation of our fellow human beings; this is more so when we want to embark on something new.

Showing support to loved ones after a loss - especially those who need counseling but are reluctant to go - will go a long way in helping to change their minds. It also helps that there are various ways you can show your support.

Also, amidst all the opinion sharing and discussion, the opinion of the person who needs the therapy might not be fully heard; this can make them feel sad, unseen, and invalidated. Additionally, having a discussion in public when the decision is yet to be made might put them or you under another pressure.

So, if you are going to discuss whether someone you know or love needs to go for therapy, it is preferable and highly recommended that you have such discussions in a private, calm, and secluded area that will foster communication, empathy, and validation.

Seeing a loved one going through a difficult phase without being able to help much can make us feel powerless, and sometimes, in a bid to help, we might start becoming imposing and forceful. 

We might start trying to impose our opinions and suggestions on them, believing that we know better and that they will thank us when they look back in retrospect.

When we see a loved one struggling without being able to offer much help, we might start feeling guilty, and this can make us start shifting away from them. Doing this will compound the feeling of grief and isolation, so you should try to be there for them as much as possible.

Keep in mind that this doesn't guarantee that they will change their mind about receiving help. If they still choose to be resistant and not go for help, let them be and be patient with them.

There's a saying that you can't give what you have. If you are not properly informed on mental health and grief counseling, you might not be able to help your loved ones properly.

By becoming more informed about their struggles and how you can help, you will be better positioned to offer them quality direction and help. 

Your discussion should center around your concern for their growth, well-being, and welfare and not how their behavioral changes make you and others around them feel frustrated. When you converse with them with empathy and compassion, they will be more likely to listen and feel less attacked.

While trying to help a loved one, it is important to show support as much as possible; however, it is also necessary to set boundaries. 

You might want to indulge them, seeing as they are in a sensitive stage, but you should be mindful of this. Learn to set boundaries so that they don't become too reliant on you.

Sometimes, our loved ones might not even be aware of how much they've changed and how their mental condition is negatively affecting their lives. You can explain and show them with specific examples.

If they remain adamant, below are helpful ways you can make them feel better by encouraging and showing them how to express their grief healthily.

If you've always made it clear that therapy is normal, then they will be more inclined to favorably consider your advice to go for it. Make them see therapy as something normal, just like going to the doctor for a physical sickness.

Input it in your discussion that it is perfectly normal to go for therapy and highlight the benefits they stand to gain by going for therapy. Make them understand that therapy is a safe space where they can air all their opinion and thoughts without fear of judgment.

Your regular physician. You can ask your doctor to help recommend some of the experts they know in the field.

Through your spiritual leader. Spiritual leaders are also experienced in this subject area and can help find people who can help.

Close friends or family. Perhaps a close friend or family member has also gone through something like this, and therapy helped them; you could ask for their help and advice on how they went about it.

Online therapy or support groups. This is a perfect option for those who might not be opportune to travel a long distance before speaking to a therapist. Video calls with the therapist or other support group members can help.

Phone therapy session. Some people might want to remain anonymous and not show their faces; phone therapy sessions can come in handy here.

Local grief support group. Meeting with people who have gone through the same thing can help remove the feeling of isolation and help us learn how others are coping and dealing with their grief.

Online books, DVDs, or YouTube. There are various online resources like books, DVDs, and so on regarding grief counseling, and the good news is that most of them are free. This will work well for people who might not be able to afford therapy.