How to write an obituary

When a loved one passes away, you want as many wonderful things to remember them by as possible. An obituary gives family members the opportunity to share the things that they loved most about someone who has passed while simultaneously keeping members of the community in the know.

Knowing exactly what to put into an obituary, however, can be tough. How do you perfectly encapsulate everything that makes up someone who we have loved and lost? To make things easier for you, we have created a step-by-step guide for how to write an obituary.

Obituaries are so important because they’re a way of documenting family history. Their intention is to tell a detailed story about someone’s life so, even hundreds of years from now, the reader will be able to get a really clear picture of who that person was and the legacy that they’re leaving behind – no matter how big or small that legacy may be.

A well-written obituary will cover:

Sitting down to write an obituary can feel entirely overwhelming. You might be wondering where to begin, what the tone of the obituary should be, and how to say all of the right things in just the right way.

Don't be afraid to add some inspiration to get you going. Having a frame picture, their favorite sweatshirt or even a keepsake necklace for ashes nearby can not only bring some comfort but help to put you in the right frame of mind to write about someone you loved. Here are a few tips for writing an obituary to hopefully alleviate some of that overwhelm you are feeling.

You don’t need to write an obituary that is guaranteed to make someone cry. If your loved one had a zest for life and brought joy to everyone they touched, it’s absolutely acceptable to highlight that. Just because they’re gone, that doesn’t mean you have to stop celebrating their life.

Of course, it hurts to say goodbye and missing them will be tough, but it’s really important to remember the good and happy times.

If you need help with formatting, you can find many different obituary templates online. Have you ever read an obituary that really moved you? Refer to it when writing one for your loved one! Having an obituary example at the ready can be incredibly helpful.

Write a few drafts if you have to and show it to another loved one. Ask for their opinion on your word choice, tone, and anecdotes. You really want to make sure the obituary says exactly what you want it to say. You only have one chance at printing one in your local publications, so you want to make sure the words are not written in haste.

This is called a “third person narrative.” As the writer, you want to remove yourself from the obituary completely. Instead of phrases like, “we are announcing the death of our father Alan,” use language that is as if you’re an impartial bystander: “Alan passed away.”

In writing courses, they call this “show, don’t tell". Instead of simply telling the reader about a person’s life, show them what their life looked like. If you are writing an obituary for someone who was a family man, don’t just say so. Tell the reader what he did to make him such a wonderful father, son, and husband.

Also, personal descriptions really help with an obituary. The column should be as unique as the person that you love!

If you want to write a great obituary, choose three words that really get to the core of the deceased – words that perfectly describe who they were. Then, tell a short story that exemplifies each of the words to really paint a whole picture. If you get stuck or overwhelmed, ask family members or the people who were closest to them for help.

If you are still stumped on how to write an obituary after reading this guide, there are many obituary templates online. You can also comb through recent or past newspaper publications to read many obituary examples and model the one you are writing for your recently deceased loved one.

Okay, so you have all of the tips for writing an obituary, now it’s time to think about the nitty gritty details – the things that pretty much every obituary across the board will have. Once you’ve got the basics down, you just have to personalize each aspect of the obituary and you’ll be in great shape.

An obituary should include the following:

• Announcement of death:  Name, death date and age at the time of death, cause of death. Cause of death can get tricky, depending on the cause of death. Some families may choose to have some discretion when they write the cause of death, others may omit it altogether.
• Significant life events:  Where they were born and lived, education, marriage, births of children, etc.
• Special interests:  Profession, hobbies, personality traits and passions
• Family:  Surviving family members and family members that predeceased them.
• Pets/Friends/Other:  A listing of special pets, close friends and others.
• Services: Any information pertaining to a viewing, funerals, celebration of life ceremonies.
• Flowers & Donations:  Where can friends and families send flowers or donate in memorandum of the deceased.

An incredible photo can really make a huge impact on the person reading an obituary. Gather the family together and find the absolute best photo of the deceased that you can. One where they look happy, or they are doing something that they loved to do.

Try to find a photo that includes only the deceased’s face in it or crop the photo (in a way that is elegant and not very obvious) if you need to. Having too many people in the photo might be confusing or take the spotlight off of the deceased.

This is especially important if the photo is going to be posted online. Low-resolution photos will appear blurry and take away from the charm of the photo and the person in it. Check with the newspaper, publication, or website and get the exact photo specifications that are needed for the best results.

Check with the newspaper, publication, or website where the obituary is going to be published and ask what the photo orientation requirements are. You don’t want to give a landscape-orientated photo to a publication that only prints portrait photos. This can put you at risk for having a photo that is cropped unattractively.

Nowadays, it’s most popular to have color photos printed in obituaries or posted online. However, black and white photos can be very elegant and more accurately give insight to the person who has passed away.

Decide if you’re going to submit a photo of the deceased when they were older (a current photo) or a photo of them when they were younger (usually reserved for those who were senior citizens when they passed). Whatever photo you choose, it should be an excellent snapshot that portrays the deceased well.

You don’t have to submit a photo in which it’s obvious that the deceased was posing for a portrait. The most important thing is that their personality is highlighted. When choosing an obituary photo, there are no rules that say the photo can’t be a candid, an action shot, or a photo of them doing something that they really loved (riding a horse, or birdwatching, for example).

If you don’t have a photo of the deceased that accurately depicts who they were as a person, or is of high enough quality, you can choose to publish a photo of something they loved. For example, if they owned a restaurant, you can publish a photo of the restaurant. If they lived birdwatching, perhaps you would publish a picture of their favorite bird.

The best way to have an obituary proofread and edited is to get the family together and take turns looking at it. One person might have a better way of writing or describing something than the original writer! Also, sitting down with the whole family can be a really nice experience that you all need during this time of grief. Share your favorite stories and attributes of the deceased and pick and choose what to write about together.

When you’ve got the story down, have at least two people that you trust read it over and check or errors in spelling, grammar, and information. Have them pay particular attention to names and dates, funeral and/or viewing information, and flowers/donations instructions.

It’s always a good idea to do a little bit of research before you go ahead and submit the obituary to any publication. Some local papers don’t charge a fee at all for submitting obituaries but that may change with the times and vary city by city. The cost of an obituary is usually determined by the amount of space it’s going to take up; the number of lines, the number of columns, or the size of the columns in inches.

It’s also not uncommon for publications to cap obituaries. For example, one may post the first 24 lines of an obituary for free – after that, they charge by the line.

The most important thing that will help with writing an obituary is to write from the heart. If you feel emotion while you’re writing, it’s more than likely the reader will feel the emotion that you’re putting into the obituary, too. Don’t be afraid to have some fun with the obituary and really make the style and tone true to who the person was! Remember, writing an obituary is all about the person who passed away, not the family they are remembered by.

Further reading:

10 Ways To Support A Family Member Or Friend After They've Suffered A Loss

How To Write An Outstanding Eulogy

Dealing With Grief After The Loss Of A Child

Updated July 15 by Jeri K. Augustus